Monthly Archives: February 2011

A Silver-lining in my Valentine’s Day Saga <3

So the last blog I wrote “On Valentine’s Day” was a total ranting and raving about how more single and lonely I feel on Valentine’s Day. I compared myself to the likes of Jessica Biel in the movie “Valentine’s Day” with her psycho persona when it came to that “dreadful day”. Her “HATE-Valentine’s Day parties” because she was always alone that specific day came as a commonality to me. I feel the pain, I’ve been there. With her girlfriends around, taking their anger out with a bat on a candy filled pinata for all the men that have done them wrong, seemingly to “celebrate” their loneliness. Even than, for Jessica their was a silver-lining for her, even at her own “hate” party. The very handsome Jamie Foxx seemed to have her same thoughts on Valentine’s in mind which brought, even them, together.

So tells my tale…here I am sitting in the office at my work place, trying not to think of this day as any other day but ordinary. Though, in the back of mind all I kept thinking of was…”Wouldn’t it be nice to get some flowers, or a box of candy from a special someone.” As I was doing my work, I here a pull at the office door and I see a little man, no more than 3 feet tall, he had in his hands a bouquet of flowers, a heart-shaped box of “Hershey’s Pot of Gold Fine Confections Premium Collection” chocolates, and to top it off a HUGE heart-shaped balloon that sings “I Got You Babe”. My Valentine’s, from that moment, lit up. I open the door, and the little man with my mom, my brother and my sister in-law standing to the side, says in his extremely loud and high-pitched voice, “WILL YOU BE MY BALENTINE?” Yes…”Balentine”…not Valentine. I couldn’t help but cry…and there it was, my 5 year old nephew. Beautiful as he is, I was delighted, ecstatic, and he changed my view, if only for one day, what Valentine’s Day is really about… Love… not just for lover’s, husbands and wives…and most certainly not to drown your sorrows on all the different thoughts of singleness, but love for family and friends and more simply….LIFE!


So you see…even though my previous blog “On Valentine’s Day” was what made my sister in-law bring my nephew to me to change my mind about Valentine’s Day…the fact of the matter is that it did. So I still won’t put too much emphasis on this day because I still feel as if it is a bit over-rated, but I can have better thoughts on it and make it the best that I can and enjoy what’s left of it.

Thank you to my family, especially my nephew Jovani for helping me see and being that silver-lining for me…MY “BALENTINE”!!!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY ❤

i ❤ (heart) u!!!!

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On Valentine’s Day!!!

Okay, So here we have the big day!!! The day for lover’s!!! The day where people spend a lot of money on chocolate’s and candy and candle light dinners for their sweethearts.

AWWWW!!!! Isn’t that sweet? ❤

Well…no! Not for me…I’ll let you in on a little secret and I’ll tell you why.

Valentine’s is just a bit over-rated! There you have it! I said it! Whooo!!! It feels good to get that off my chest. 😉

Here is a day that was created for lover’s and sweethearts, a day that should be full of love and laughter and excitement, (for those who are in love, I’m not downing it for you, believe me), but I do believe it’s over rated. Now please don’t think me strange or weird, I like Valentine’s Day. I think it’s kind of humorous…I enjoy watching people spend their money and their time for the name of love and an ordinary day. Heck, I spent money to have a gift basket sent to my cousin in Syracuse to arrive just in time for Valentine’s. Ironic, is it not? Anyways, what do I know, I’m just the writer, the person behind the scenes, analyzing every detail about the worldly love and how it works and doesn’t work.

But…Here we have the typical Valentine’s “scene”… the chocolates, boxes of heart shaped gifts, flowers, roses, teddy bears, balloons, secret admirers and the like….OH, let’s not forget Mr. Cupid. The little guy that’s half naked with a bow and arrow shaped like a heart AND he has little feathered WINGS!!! I wonder who made that one up? I find the little guy quite funny. I understand the lovers have their day. Great…and so they should, but shouldn’t that day be everyday? Not just one single day. What happens when tomorrow, the day after Valentine’s, comes? Does everything go back to normal and sparks die down? So all these flower shops, candy stores, bakeries and restaurants make most of their money on this day. And I’m sure they don’t mind you spending your money either. They take your hard earned cash when all you really have to do is tell the love of your life, “Sweetheart, I love you and there’s no day in the world that can make me love you more because everyday is OUR day.”

AWWW!!!! Dito….isn’t that sweet? I would say it sure is.

But NOOO!!! We want the gifts, the candy, the special treatment. Who am I kidding I would give anything for THAT right now! Well…not really give anything….but I would appreciate it a whole lot.

Year after year…when it comes to Valentine’s…I am still single. No one to call my own. I’m fine with it…..ehhhh…..sometimes. But usually never around Valentine’s. That’s why I rebel against it…(and I will put that famous…LOL…that everyone LOVES so much. I should say I ❤ (heart) U, LOL!!!!

I’m not sure if you’ve seen the movie “Valentine’s Day” but I know for a fact that I’m Jessica Biel in that movie….the psycho chick obsessed with her “HATE-Valentine’s Party”, something single girls would obviously do because they never have a Valentine’s “someone”. Isn’t that a bit stereo-typical of us single women? Either way, it turns out she didn’t hate Valentine’s Day…she hated the idea of ALWAYS being alone on Valentine’s Day and went on this psycho rant about how everyone should be miserable with her. Well…some of it is me…I can soooo see her point and her frustration, but I wouldn’t go that far as to host a party in protest against Valentine’s Day…..instead….I blog!!! (Haha) Notice the laughter in there 🙂

So rest assured that this is not me bashing the lover’s “sacred” day…quite simply, only pointing out the obvious. So please don’t take offense. Just trying to have a little humorous fun with the day that I would really like to like….or like to love! ❤

Most of my valentine days were filled with single young women wanting to go out and have fun to “celebrate” or “party” away their loneliness. So at least we can say, “We are having fun and we don’t need men to make us whole.” And that is true….we most certainly don’t need men to make us whole because we are precious in the sight of God, but we can’t pretend that deep down inside what we WEREN’T really thinking was, “Darn!!! Another Valentine’s Day without the man of my dreams.” Or, “Awwww, look at those couples over there, why can’t that be me?” Our Valentine Days were filled with Sparkling cider and chick flicks and exchanging gifts to eachother as if saying we are lonely but we don’t have to drown our sorrows in beer or cheap wine. Instead we’ll drink sparkling cider and eat chocolate and watch movies while we cry ourselves to laughter or even laugh ourselves to tears. Whichever one works!!!

Amy, you’re my girl this year…I’ll race you to the lines of the flower shops!!! Hehehe!!!!

Ironic…….Isn’t it?



EMPTY ME!!!

EMPTY ME!!!

Empty Me…Those words…What is it about those words that I hear in songs? Songs that wrench the soul, songs that are sung by people who really want God, songs that are and can only be sung by the heart and soul of a person. You have to really WANT God if you ask Him to empty you.

Empty Me…It means to empty someone of themselves. All the selfishness and pride, all the junk, anger, hurt, stubbornness and rebellion. This person is asking God to empty them of everything that is not God or Godly and fill them with more of Him. More of God.

“Holy fire burn away

my desire for anything

that is not of You and is of me

I want more of You and less of me….

Empty me…..empty me….

and fill…won’t you fill me

With You…with you!!

I want more…I want more…

I want more of You, Jesus!”

~Jeremy Camp~

 

“Empty me of the selfishness inside,

every vain ambition and the poison of my pride,

and any foolish thing my heart holds to…

Lord, empty me of me so I can be filled with You…

‘Cause everything is a lesser thing compared to You!”

~Chris Sligh~

 

Two songs, sung by two very different people…What they have in common? The King, God, who was, is and still IS above all. EMPTY ME!!!

You know sometimes I get to that place where my life is filled with too much of ME that I can’t see anyone else. I sometimes ask myself why that is, or I ask God. And what I find is that, on my own, I don’t have an answer. But when I start searching my heart through God there’s more of an answer than I really care to know or want to know. It gets kind of scary. We were all born with a natural tendency of certain things…It’s called human nature. One of them is selfishness. You see, when  babies are born the one thing they do is cry for attention. They want to be held, they want their milk, then want everything to be about them, all eyes on them. They crave attention of their parents and family. Which, of course, they should, they are babies. They NEED that attention. But when we grow up there is no need for that anymore. We are not babies; we can take care of ourselves and do things on our own. But sometimes, again, we get to that place where for some reason we lose sight of others and we look to ourselves again. We are hurt so we need others to comfort us. We get so busy with work, school, family and the thing we call life that we forget about God and maybe even forget about others and their needs when we are so wrapped up in our own little world. That’s why when I hear songs like “Empty Me” I just take a look at my life and where I’m at and also where I’m not. I start searching and going back to what I missed. There must be something I missed that got me back to this place of ME. God was trying to tell me something or do something and I missed it. AGAIN! I’ve been here before, this is not new to me. So what is it? You see…this is where…ME…being the imperfect creature that I am, start to analyze, maybe even over analyze my life. Some people may think of it as I’m being too hard on myself. But you know what, I’ve come to the conclusion that you can never be too hard on yourself. Because, if I was, I’d be in a completely different place right now. I used to be insecure but not anymore. So this is not me being insecure because I know what I stand for and WHO I stand for. That will never change. I know who I am in Christ. This is just me searching my heart and soul because right now I’m not happy with just being me and all into me. I’m most happy when I’m doing things for God and others. So somewhere I missed it. I know God is THE King, but is He MY King? He is my Savior, but have I allowed Him to become My Lord? It’s just a reality check. We all need that once in awhile. Especially Christians. The Bible even says:

~Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?–Unless you are disqualified. But I trust that you will know that we are not disqualified.~

(2 Corinthians 13:5)

I know that there are reasons for everything. And my reason for this one is that I want so much more of God. I want to be EMPTIED by Him. I want to be that singer that pours out my entire heart to God asking Him to empty all of me. Because if it’s all about me than I don’t want to live…I want to die. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about a physical death, or suicide. Let’s not twist my words. I’m talking about being dead to sin but alive in Christ Jesus. Because if it’s all about Him than death and life are only the beginning.

I end with this prayer to my God,

Dear Lord and Father, My God,

I’ve been here before. We both know it. You know my heart, my coming in and my going out. You know my every move. Nothing is hidden from you. I need you to search my heart, and my inner most being. My whole entire heart wants all of You but my flesh keeps resisting. I know that I can only do this through Christ who strengthens me. I know that in my weaknesses You are made strong. And Lord, I am so weak. There is nothing good about me…Compared to Your love, grace and infinite mercies. In Your presence I am nothing because You are above all and everything. God, My God, I need You. Empty me, Lord this day. Empty me of all my selfishness, empty me of all my own ability, thoughts and intents of the heart and fill me with all of You. Nothing more but You. Here I am, a daughter in the presence of a Holy and Righteous God, asking for Your forgiveness and needing Your grace. I am sorry for thinking too much about me and my own needs and forgetting about those souls around me. Help me to remember my 1st Love. God, You alone are…and always will be my 1st Love. There is none like You and no one can compare to You. As David says:

~As the deer pants for the water brooks,

So my soul pants for You, O God.~

(Psalms 42:1)

EMPTY ME, LORD!!!

Shake me of the things of this world. Give me more of You. “‘Cause I want more of You, Jesus!”

AMEN!!!

 


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